Monday, November 03, 2008

50 minutes to midnight

It's been an up-and-down kind of day. J went to work, without too much OCD checking, but was very tired and down when he came home, and later in the evening had a slight strop over doing his homework for his new therapist. He's only seen her twice, and she does give him a lot to do outwith the sessions. There's a table analysing his negative thoughts, and a sort of diary of what he's done each day (including the time spent doing OCD checking), and an exercise where you try not to think of a pink rabbit. And some more stuff, but I can't remember the details.

In a way this is good, because we, rather than the taxpayer, are paying for the sessions, and we want the therapist to get the information she needs quickly, so they can make the best use of the sessions. On the other hand, I can see why he quails at the thought of filling in a table with percentages every time he has a negative thought - wouldn't you? Then again, I WANT him to fill in the stupid tables. We do not have an unlimited budget for this, and it is imperative that he engages with the process right from the start. Which means, as far as I can see, providing the information on his moods that is asked for.

So I stropped back, and he did the tables, but I am feeling not very noble, and also that you're not supposed to have to tell 28-year-olds to do their homework.

The guinea pigs are sweet and squeaky. And fluffy. Brownie came and sat on J in a successful attempt to get him feeling phlegmatic enough to tackle the tables.

I am still trying to catch up on work for my course after having been ill, which isn't putting me in the best of moods. The world suddenly seems to be full of wondrous activities which I could be doing if only I could get the course over with.

Sorry if I sound gloomy. I'm not, really; but I'm trying to give an honest run-down on the day with these daily posts. The general stropping is over. J has gone to bed, and I shall follow him shortly, and tomorrow will be another day.


Rosemary Grace said...

Oh, the work part of cognitive therapy...tell J that I have constant fights with myself about how SILLY than damn homework is, but it comes down to the fact that something so silly and simple, really does make a difference.

It must be very hard for you to see the strops being thrown, I don't know how my husband manages when I freak out - I have a VERY hard time when he's upset about anything.

I hope very much that this venture into private therapy gives you both a useful framework to maintain an improved mood for J. I'm just sorry I'm too far away to back up the good wishes with pumpkin spice muffins.

Rosemary Grace said...

PS - handing a cat over for distracting snuggles is a very common technique in our house.

scoliyogi said...

Both Himself and I have found similar therapy techniques helpful. It's a pain in the ass doing the seemingly stupid homework but it does seem to work (even if Himself has to do the whole "watch wallet keys" OCD check every time he leaves the house even now!)

Loth said...

Yep, I have to fill in those damn negative thought tables and I too try to avoid doing so. I sympathise with J (and with you, having to be in supervisor mode!)

Tanya Brown said...

This sounds a lot like cognitive therapy. I found it helpful. Like so many useful things, it can be onerous, but the results are worth it.

And no, you shouldn't have to tell an adult to do his homework. It's his task. Even though one may feel responsibility as a spouse, one can't "make" people feel better.

Wishing you the best -

K said...

Hello everyone -

Yes, it is cognitive behavioural therapy. And the strop seems to be over, fortunately.

Ah, the watch-wallet-keys check. I know that one, except in J's case it's a phone-wallet-inhaler-keys-handkerchief check.

Thanks for the virtual cats and muffins, Rosie.