Green shoots

If you squint, you could convince yourself it's spring. The sun has been shining (some of the time, anyway); bulbs are poking up in the garden; it hasn't been as cold (except on the days when it has).

The onset of possible spring is making me think about plans for the future: short-term ones like knitting projects, and more life-changing ones like moving house and the Baby Question. Only I need to get the Thesis done before I can really think about any of these. I think I maybe need to take some time off work and grind away at it - I have two days a week to do it in, but somehow I never manage to get as much done as I think I am going to.

Not a lot else is happening here at the moment. We went out to lunch with my parents and Granny for Mothers' Day, which was lovely. We'd really celebrated it the week before (since my sister and brother were both away for the actual day) but can you celebrate mothers too thoroughly? Of course not.



J's big news this week is that he has bought a digital satellite receiver. He speaks German fluently and is fond of watching German free-to-air TV, but has hitherto been doing this through an elderly Sky box without a card, which isn't ideal. This new box is very clever, and among other things will receive signals from two different satellites without getting confused, so he can watch either UK television or German through the same box.

This means, of course, that he will need two dishes, one to point at each satellite. He has one in our back garden at the moment (see above) but I happen to know there's another one squirreled away under the stairs. Maybe our (hypothetical) new house needs a bigger back garden.

The other snag is that the new box needs an update to its software before it will receive German HD channels, and he is a bit anxious about installing this. Fingers crossed. (This all seems like quite a lot of trouble to go to to watch *The Simpsons* dubbed into German...)

I received a request a little while ago for a combined picture of my sock monkey with a guinea pig. Here you go, Loth's Second Born - will this do?



J has decided that the monkey's name is "Mrs Monkey". I will shortly be making a Mr Monkey to keep her company, so I expect more sock monkey photographs will be forthcoming.

In other news, I only have one week left of yoga. According to the yoga teacher, I am the only person who's been every week. Unfortunately I still can't do the Half Vinyasa. Perhaps I need more practice...

Good news, bad news

J's parents are here, which is lovely. It is J's dad's birthday today, which is also good.

Not so good is that two of our piggies, Brownie and Pumpkin, seem to have nibbled patches in their fur, on their cheeks - which means that they didn't do it themselves. This is known as barbering and it's not a good thing - it can be a sign of stress or aggression, and can be a forerunner of biting. The un-nibbled pig is Cupcake, who is about as aggressive as a cotton-wool ball, as far as we can tell.

So maybe Brownie and Pumpkin are doing it to each other? But it seems very odd that the patches would be in exactly the same place, which they are. We've never seen any of them behaving aggressively, so it's hard to tell.

I have posted for advice on a guinea pig forum and am awaiting developments. We do tend to worry about our piggies' health far more than we probably need to; but then they can't talk, so they can't tell us if something's wrong.

Whatever is wrong, it's not life-threatening and we can take them to the vet next week if we need to. Think about something positive.

It's six weeks until Christmas! I feel fairly positive about this; I like Christmas. Yesterday I saw that they had started to put up the Winter Wonderland amusements on Princes Street. I've never been on the big wheel, but I like the way it looks.

Nothingy kind of day

So most people seem to much prefer either summer or winter?

I don't feel as strongly about it as I used to - when I was a teenager I actively disliked summer. Partly, I suspect, because I didn't like wearing summer clothes because the choice seemed to be between "revealing" and "frumpy" and because I felt hot and pink and undignified.

These days I'm not quite so self-conscious, and also I garden, so I like the period when everything's blooming or fruiting. And I like the light. Not good at waking up when it's dark. But I do like cooler weather, in general - maybe I have a tendency to hibernate.

Today was a nothingy kind of day in which I typed up stuff for the Dreaded Thesis, interspersed with brief bouts of messing around on Ravelry. Sorry. Some days are like that. I did cuddle my little furry friends several times, and fed them grapes.



Do not get between a guinea pig and her grape.

I go back to work tomorrow after my two-week-plus absence with the Virus. That'll come as a shock to the system...

Time passes

That was not meant to be a nearly three-month hiatus.

I didn’t feel much like blogging for a while. I was doing a big project at work which was stressing me out, and was working late a lot and then coming home and feeling that I had no brain or energy left to blog with. Yeah, I know; I only work three days a week. There we go.



2009 has been a depressing kind of year in so many ways, which has probably contributed to making me feel that I want to draw my head in, like a tortoise. It’s not had too much of an impact on J and me; we still have our jobs, and we’re doing OK. J has been feeling well enough to go to work for much of this year, as well, which is fantastic, although tiring in its own way as he has needed a lot of support. We’re beginning to feel we might be able to do grown-up things like book exciting holidays and actually expect J to be well enough to go, but we’ve been so tired out by the daily round that we just don’t feel like it. Yet. Things are getting better.

What happened in the past three months? Let’s see. We redecorated the entrance hall/stairway/landing of our house, and hung some pictures up. I did quite a lot of work in the garden, mostly on the lawn (boring) but also growing vegetables from seed and some flowers.



We did a lot of cycling and fitted panniers to J’s bike so that he can carry more stuff on it – I’ve had panniers for a long time and they do make a bike a lot more useful. We visited my brother in Dumfriesshire, which was lovely and very relaxing. I read quite a lot of books and did some knitting.

I completed the six-month fitness course in the gym; at the end of it, I still hadn’t lost any significant weight, although I was running a good bit faster and lifting heavier weights. A couple of weeks later, feeling my motivation starting to sag a bit, I had a couple of sessions with a personal trainer. This resulted in a new programme which relies almost entirely on free weights rather than machines, and a different sort of interval training (much shorter intervals, but higher intensity).

The new programme is interesting, and I enjoy it while I’m doing it, but it is definitely more demanding and takes longer to do than my old routine. Instead of having different days for upper and lower body, I do all the muscle groups every time. I know that the old programme wasn’t having quite the impact I wanted, but sometimes the new one feels like a lot to tackle in one session.

For that reason, a few weeks ago I took a break from it until my big work project was finished. I know that exercise is supposed to give you more energy, but if I’m too exhausted to do anything else, then it’s not working. I’ll be resuming this week, but if it continues to be too difficult to keep up, I will think about following the same basic outlines but splitting up the exercises into upper/lower body days to make the overall routine shorter. It won’t be as high-impact, but it will have more impact than not doing it because it’s too much!



The piggies are in good health and are not suffering from exhaustion in the slightest.



Summer has arrived in Scotland and last weekend we went to the beach and swam in the sea. No photographs were taken of this. This is what the sky looked like that weekend, though. It’s not so hot now, but still feels like summer – maybe the second half of 2009 will be a bit more promising?

Took a week off

I didn't mean to. I think the first week in December must be relatively unblogged, since so many people are recovering from NaBloPoMo.

I don't have any terrific excuses, other than being up to my ears in work (but then I always am).

My parents-in-law came to stay for the weekend. It was good to see them, and also good that J could show them, in person, that he's making progress. It's been very difficult for them over the past months, being at a distance.

J is still plugging away at his therapy, and does seem to be getting somewhat better at leaving the house with less checking. It's still there, but it's not taking him so long and he's managed to stop some checks altogether.

I have nothing profound to say. Here, have a video of a talented mouse.

Sunny day

It was a beautiful day today, with bright blue skies and golden light. It was pretty chilly, though, and there was still frost in the shade at lunchtime. I went out to buy some groceries, came back into the house and thought "Good, it's lovely and warm in here." Then I noticed that the thermometer in the living room was showing 14° C. The guinea pigs were all piled into their little wooden house in a big furry lump.

Whether the cold had anything to do with it or not, I've been a bit headachy all evening. I used to get them all the time, but it's been a while. It's a bit better now, but nevertheless I am going to have a relaxing bath and go to bed. With a hot water bottle. I think the pigs have the right idea.

50 minutes to midnight

It's been an up-and-down kind of day. J went to work, without too much OCD checking, but was very tired and down when he came home, and later in the evening had a slight strop over doing his homework for his new therapist. He's only seen her twice, and she does give him a lot to do outwith the sessions. There's a table analysing his negative thoughts, and a sort of diary of what he's done each day (including the time spent doing OCD checking), and an exercise where you try not to think of a pink rabbit. And some more stuff, but I can't remember the details.

In a way this is good, because we, rather than the taxpayer, are paying for the sessions, and we want the therapist to get the information she needs quickly, so they can make the best use of the sessions. On the other hand, I can see why he quails at the thought of filling in a table with percentages every time he has a negative thought - wouldn't you? Then again, I WANT him to fill in the stupid tables. We do not have an unlimited budget for this, and it is imperative that he engages with the process right from the start. Which means, as far as I can see, providing the information on his moods that is asked for.

So I stropped back, and he did the tables, but I am feeling not very noble, and also that you're not supposed to have to tell 28-year-olds to do their homework.

The guinea pigs are sweet and squeaky. And fluffy. Brownie came and sat on J in a successful attempt to get him feeling phlegmatic enough to tackle the tables.

I am still trying to catch up on work for my course after having been ill, which isn't putting me in the best of moods. The world suddenly seems to be full of wondrous activities which I could be doing if only I could get the course over with.

Sorry if I sound gloomy. I'm not, really; but I'm trying to give an honest run-down on the day with these daily posts. The general stropping is over. J has gone to bed, and I shall follow him shortly, and tomorrow will be another day.

Sorry for disappearing

That wasn't meant to happen.

I am having a few weeks with no coursework to do, and this seems to mean that I don't turn the computer on nearly so much in the evenings. So I haven't been blogging. You would think I'd be capable of coming upstairs and pushing a button, but... no.

There are several posts in my head which I meant to get up during Blogiversary Week, but some of them required illustrations, and my camera has died, and...

And I've been feeling really boring lately, somehow.

Life has not been totally without occurrences; I had a cold (another one) and then we went to see my in-laws, and while we were there we went to the theatre, and work has been busy, and I've been knitting and reading a lot and watching Doctor Who and doing the garden... no. I really am boring. I'm not unhappy, but I'm slightly discontented with myself at the moment; I look in the mirror and see a sort of harried scruffy mouse-ish person. This is probably the mood in which other people get exciting new haircuts that they later regret. I'll just have to resist the temptation to buy lots of new clothes, and also resist the temptation to eat chocolate, which is only a short-term mood lifter.

There is little to report on the fitness front, except that I'm still biking to work - and indeed I go somewhere on the bike most other days as well, so I probably rack up about 40 miles per week. Probably I should do more; the weather's getting nicer, and I'm not so tired in the evenings as I am during the winter (that said, I came home from work on Friday and fell asleep on the sofa at 9pm). I still can't walk more than a few miles, or go running, because I'm still having problems with my feet. Warning: even more boring bit coming up.

Remember my feet? I've had long-term problems with arch pain, blistering under the arches, and aching feet when I get out of bed in the morning. Last September I went to the doctor about this - I thought I had flat feet, and he agreed, told me to avoid doing anything that set it off (like walking long distances or running) and referred me to the podiatry clinic. When my appointment came up in December, the podiatrist decided that I had plantar fasciitis, for which he gave me exercises. Although he agreed my feet were a bit flat, he thought it wasn't that bad. He also picked up that I'm slightly hypermobile (double-jointed) which can cause joint problems, so referred me on to the orthopaedic clinic for assessment. In the meantime, he told me I shouldn't go running, although doing weights and cycling would be OK.

The appointment for that has just come through - I'll be going on the 6th of May. While I'd be the first to admit that my sore feet are not exactly an urgent or life-threatening condition, I'm not overjoyed that it's taken so long from start to finish. When I got the appointment in December, I naively thought I'd be getting measured for orthotics there and then, and would be able to get back to what I consider normal activity pretty soon after. I've been doing the exercises I was given - possibly not quite as often as I should - but haven't really noticed any improvement: just as before, my feet don't hurt if I don't run or walk on them much, and if I wear either Doc Martens, Clarks' flat mary janes or the increasingly battered black Skechers I wear to work. School shoes, in other words. (This is something of a grief to me. I have lots of interesting and decorative shoes, and I've not worn most of them for months. It's not even as if I am a diehard fan of high heels - most of them are flat and sensible, just not quite supportive enough.) I took trainers down south with me the other week, walked into town in them, and bingo - arch pain and rubbed areas on my insteps.

In the meantime, I think I've discovered something else wrong with my feet: Morton's Neuroma or possibly Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome. Which is just a scary-sounding way of saying that I get pins and needles in my toes when I exercise, which is caused by trapped nerves. This has also been going on for years, but I didn't know there was a name for it; I often get numb toes in the later stages of a longish bike ride, and I always used to get them on the cross-trainer (another thing I haven't done for ages). Apparently these conditions are associated with flat feet, and tarsal tunnel syndrome is brought on by exercise in that way. It may be possible to sort it with orthotics, or I may just have to put up with it.

The weight is still hovering around 180. I have a horrible feeling that the doctor at the clinic is going to tell me that I have sore feet because I am asking them to carry 180 pounds, and that they'd get better if I lost weight, and that there's nothing else to be done about it. Maybe I'm being paranoid. I hope I'm being paranoid. Not that I wouldn't like to lose more weight, but in the past I've only managed to do so through running several times a week... which is exactly what I've been told not to do at the moment.

Keeping on

No longer ill, but still a bit weary. I'm going to have an early night tonight.

I'm back to more normal eating - maybe with slightly fewer chocolate biscuits than in the pre-illness week - and so far have not encountered any weird effects. I'm still at 182, though the bodyfat monitor on the scales has gone down to 34%, having been stuck at 36% for longer than I can recall. I know these things are hideously inaccurate, but am choosing to see this as a hopeful sign on the grounds that it must be measuring something.

My new bike is still good (and I must book it in for its after-purchase free checkup). I went right back to riding to work, although I didn't do it today because I went to bed with a mysterious achy calf, which was still there when I woke up.

I'm blaming it on too much time spent sitting at a desk. I still haven't entirely caught on the work for my Archival Ethics unit I missed through being ill; I think the next two weeks (at least) are going to involve a lot more desk-sitting, and there's not much I can do about that, other than get up and stretch periodically. And maybe get a new desk chair that allows a better working posture, which I've been meaning to do for ages - except of course that I don't have time to go and shop for one...

Think how much time to exercise I'll have when I finally finish this degree. (Except that I'll presumably be working full-time, and will no doubt immediately over-commit myself to various activities in the heady rush of not having any homework to do...)

There may have been a point to this post, but I have forgotten what it was. I shall go to bed and read Oxford Today, and re-engage with Archival Ethics in the morning. And maybe go for a walk.

Ask and you shall receive

I have very little to report in this entry. My weight is exactly the same as it was last week, which is causing me to grind my teeth slightly. I have been good and entered everything into SparkPeople (but still haven't checked out the other site). I didn't get that job, but I've got an interview for another one closer to home. That was exciting, wasn't it?

However, by popular demand, here are some piggy pictures.


Snuggles.

Doing what they do best - eating.



And a bonus video - taken back in the summer.

Downs and ups

A couple of days ago, I was going to write a very moany post about how miserable I was feeling, but I didn't because I was feeling too miserable. I am now feeling better.

I don't know why, really, because the same circumstances still hold:

*I didn't get that job (unless a miracle occurs);

*I've put applications in for others, but I suspect I'm not going to get them, because I don't really have enough experience;

*my foot still hurts (see below);

*J is still off work, for complex reasons involving getting clearance to go back from his doctor and various official people at his work;

*I feel like I've spent too much money on things to cheer myself up recently;

*there are a whole lot of books I'd like to buy, and things I'd like to do to the house, but I feel I've spent too much money recently...

But still, I do feel better, so why poke at it?

Maybe it's because we've lately been doing various DIY jobs around the house; painting walls, putting up shelves. It is amazing the mental boost you can get just from putting up a little hook to hang keys on. J thinks I'm easily pleased in this respect, but what's wrong with being easily pleased? Doesn't that mean you spend more time happy than people that are difficult to please?

On the other hand (or foot), my foot still hurts. Not agonizingly, but it's rather hard to ignore when it's your foot: it aches, it hurts when I run, and I'm restricted to wearing my bigger clumpier shoes. (Fortunately, I have plenty of those.) Looking back, I seem to have bashed it on Monday 3 September, so that's nearly a month... so perhaps I should show it to someone. I don't really know who to take it to, though. I suspect my GP would say I just have to wait for it to feel better. And there's nothing to see any more, except a slightly bruised-looking toenail, and even that's looking a lot better now.

But I kind of need it to get better, because I want to enter the Great Winter Run again, and I can't train for it with a non-working foot.

And then in spring I want to do the Great Edinburgh Run, which is a 10K and the height of my distance-running ambitions. I think it would take me about an hour, and I would definitely get bored running for longer than that. I wouldn't say I'm easily bored, but that's because under normal circumstances I have a book on me at all times, so if my brain is unoccupied, I'm probably reading. But even I can't read and run simultaneously.

I want some new trainers, but I don't think I should buy any until my foot is fixed. Or maybe until I get a job. Or something. Something needs to happen, anyway.

Humph

So, after that very good start, my weight did nothing in any direction this week, and nor did my bodyfat percentage points. Humph. Well, OK, maintaining is better than gaining.

I am very good at maintaining, actually. My metabolism seems to be the kind that doesn't really care much what I do, because I neither gain nor lose weight very easily. Which probably means that I get away with nutritional negligence when I shouldn't.

Actually, last week was OK, food-wise, although Sunday included some chocolate which I rather regretted afterwards. But, I don't know... I don't think I was being as mindful as I need to be. No major dietary crimes, but I'd lost concentration a bit.

I've been trying not to eat bread, on two grounds: firstly, I don't seem to digest it very well (I get indigestion if I eat toast for breakfast). Secondly, in the absence of any actual snack foods in our house, I have a tendency to grab a slice out of the fridge mid-evening. Not that this is a nutritional crime, but I don't NEED it.

And I didn't entirely avoid doing that. I also made some muffins, but I don't regret that (and I didn't eat them all myself!).

The main thing about last week was that I didn't go running at all, although I have been lifting weights like a good little person. I went out on my bike a couple of times, and for walks, and I springcleaned the entire house (which feels like exercise, although I seriously doubt that it has any benefits). But evidently this wasn't enough. This would fit in with my previous experience: it doesn't matter how healthily I eat - if I want to lose, I need to do lots of proper sweaty cardio. As in running.

I need to work on scheduling that, though. It's too hot to run on the local cycle path during the day, but if I go near sunset, J has conniptions, because it's not very well-lit. (He came with me once, but he got nervous and was bitten by midges.) I wouldn't run there myself after dark had properly fallen. But it's so much better than running on the streets, which I really don't like. I can never get into a rhythm in between dodging pedestrians, wheelie bins, and having to stop to cross the road. And most of the streets round here are pretty steep. And I suspect J still won't like me running in the dark. Sigh.

However! New week, clean slate! I shall go and skip in the back garden, and then I shall do some work for my paleography assignment. And later perhaps I shall go for a run. Wish me luck.

Good news, bad news

Good: J went to work for some of last week, and seems to be feeling better.

Bad: But that’s still only four days he’s been feeling better. Fingers crossed.

Good: We are going away for a short break for a few days later this week.

Bad: I feel fat. The holiday will involve wearing a swimsuit.

Good: I have decided to buy a bathroom scale, so that if I am actually getting fatter, I can find out and take decisive action (though not before I go on holiday).

Bad: I have not actually bought one, or taken any action other than looking at pictures online and saying to J, “Look! The ones with body fat monitors aren’t that expensive.” J (if he has a fault, it’s a certain unwillingness to spend money) makes non-committal noises.

Good: I’ve nearly made up my mind that I’m going to do this 10K.

Bad: But I haven’t actually been running AT ALL this week. Or any other activity which involves moving faster than a walk.

Good: I ate fewer biscuits and less cake this week than I did the week before.

Bad: You don’t want to know about the week before.

And so it goes on.

If you have seen my motivation, could you tell me where I left it?

I can make excuses for myself. I have been busy, and work has been rather full-on lately, and there’s been stress about J. It’s too easy. None of those things is really to blame. I’m not unhappy; I just seem to have fallen back into a mindset I thought I’d left behind a long time ago. It goes “Nothing I do will make that much difference and I can’t be bothered right now.”

However. My plan is that the holiday’s going to get me back on track. This is not going to be a sitting-down-reading holiday. There will be some of that (I’ve got five new books! Five) but there’s also going to be tennis, badminton, swimming at least once a day, and – I hope – country dancing. I know it’s supposed to take 28 days to make a habit, but how about four to reset the system and remind me that I actually like exercise?