Good: J went to work for some of last week, and seems to be feeling better.
Bad: But that’s still only four days he’s been feeling better. Fingers crossed.
Good: We are going away for a short break for a few days later this week.
Bad: I feel fat. The holiday will involve wearing a swimsuit.
Good: I have decided to buy a bathroom scale, so that if I am actually getting fatter, I can find out and take decisive action (though not before I go on holiday).
Bad: I have not actually bought one, or taken any action other than looking at pictures online and saying to J, “Look! The ones with body fat monitors aren’t that expensive.” J (if he has a fault, it’s a certain unwillingness to spend money) makes non-committal noises.
Good: I’ve nearly made up my mind that I’m going to do this 10K.
Bad: But I haven’t actually been running AT ALL this week. Or any other activity which involves moving faster than a walk.
Good: I ate fewer biscuits and less cake this week than I did the week before.
Bad: You don’t want to know about the week before.
And so it goes on.
If you have seen my motivation, could you tell me where I left it?
I can make excuses for myself. I have been busy, and work has been rather full-on lately, and there’s been stress about J. It’s too easy. None of those things is really to blame. I’m not unhappy; I just seem to have fallen back into a mindset I thought I’d left behind a long time ago. It goes “Nothing I do will make that much difference and I can’t be bothered right now.”
However. My plan is that the holiday’s going to get me back on track. This is not going to be a sitting-down-reading holiday. There will be some of that (I’ve got five new books! Five) but there’s also going to be tennis, badminton, swimming at least once a day, and – I hope – country dancing. I know it’s supposed to take 28 days to make a habit, but how about four to reset the system and remind me that I actually like exercise?