Waiting

Do you ever feel as though you are waiting to start your real life? Waiting for a particular thing to happen, or to get finished with something you're doing, or for circumstances to change so that possibilities will open up?

I feel like that quite a lot at the moment. Partly because I'm studying - I genuinely will have more free time once I finish. There are several activities which I haven't done at all in the past two years, some of which I thought were parts of my life I would never want to give up.

Singing is one. I don't have a fabulous voice, but I've sung in choirs since I was seven, and I do miss it.

The other main thing is that I don't get anything like as much exercise as I want to, and certainly not in a systematic enough way. I think I've proved to myself now that in order to be motivated to exercise three times a week in all weathers, I need to pay upfront for a gym membership, pack my gym bag and go afte work. I've tried buying weights to exercise at home, and going running at home, and the trouble is that because I could do it any time, I end up not doing it often enough.

I'm not knocking the cycling - I'm sure it's responsible for a fair amount of damage limitation. But it's not enough.

There are other things that J and I would like to do which we haven't because he hasn't been well enough. And I do feel that I'm so busy at the moment, I don't give him enough support in his efforts to get well. So I suppose the plan is: finish degree, get J better, then start on Real Life. I do believe we'll get there. Sometimes it feels like it's a long time coming, though.